caring for abandoned kittens

i canapos;t sleep. Partly coz iapos;m ill, but also bcoz iapos;m thinking about you. Iapos;m proud of myself to have come this far and made such progress from therapy. And somehow, i feel like sharing it with you. If iapos;m been in therapy for 3 months that also means that i havent heard from you for the same amount of time. But i still have you running around in my mind everyday.

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for the first time after all these years, iapos;ve come to realized that iapos;ve never been in love with anyone. So that means i wasnt even in love with you. My therapist have asked "have you been in love with anyone?" before and iapos;ve always given you as my answer. But last week, i had an epiphany, i suddenly realized that iapos;ve never been in love with you. I just loved how you gave me hope, that was the only time i felt worthy as a human being.

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that all made sense now, how could i be in love with a large kid? iapos;ve always thought that youapos;ll be a good parent from the way you "parented" me, but when i picture myself having a family with you, i didnt like the thought of having to take care of a large and a small son. And how could i love a person who keeps things from me, lying to me and bullshitting me all the time? someone who plays stupid games to make me feel jealous or to raise your level of attractiveness in my eyes?

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sad to say my dear. But i saw right through everything. But i put up with it and played along. Just bcoz i wanted the hope back into my life. Iapos;ve also realized that iapos;ve strung you along almost as much as you did. But i didnt lie like you did.

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oh, by the way, iapos;ve known about your affair with alice long time before i confronted you with it. I only did�confronted you�for the fun of it, since allan asked me about the relationship between the both of you, i thought mayb i could catch you lying again. Iapos;ve�withheld that little morsel of information since oct 2005. And in case youapos;re wondering who shared that juicy info, itapos;s your dream girl.

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you probably bragged to her about dating alice just to raise your self worth and make yourself seem more desirable to her. Itapos;s like "hey, if a cute girl like her likes me than i must be really something right?" anyway, iapos;ve already knew something was�going on between the both of you even�before your dream girl let the cat out of the bag.

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i guess iapos;ve never had the privilege of being stupid or ignorant.

amazing woman, caring for abandoned kittens, caring for abandoned kitten, caring for abandoned duck eggs, caring for a yorkie.